> Shrouded in darkness;

~~Monday, October 30, 2006~~

Monday, October 30, 2006

THe following is a truckload of rubbish that i have thought about while staying up through the night, only read it if you are damn bored. I probably wont care if anyone read this anyway, this is my blog and a space for me to blabber rubbish and pour my troubles out.

Sometimes when i get bored, ill just sit down, and start thinking about anything and everything. 1 of the most "pupular" thing that i thought about is sports. Soccer is my love, i will never stop doing it till my legs gives up on me. So the only thing left to ponder about is fencing. I have thought about it many times ever since that faithful/dreadful incident that happen 16months ago. The doc told me to stop these demanding sports that would put pressure on my knees but i didnt care. With the help of my knee sleeve, i went back to playing soccer and fencing. And then of cause came the time few months after that incident, when it almost happened again when i playing soccer. I couldnt walk properly as my knee hurt alot, lied to my parents that i fell down as they didnt approve me of playing soccer so fast after that incident. I feared. So after that i was more cautious of the sports i did, making sure i wont damage what was an already badly damaged knee. So as i went back to fencing, i realise without my knee sleeve, my knee would hurt like crap. So i often ask myself, so i continue to fence or should i just stop it and give it up. Besides people from my batch like terence, zihao and yueyang had either stopped completely or rarely go. There was so much politics in there, with some1 hating this guy and some1 hating the other. No longer was it fun to go for fencing training anymore, the thought of going for training just made me not want to go anyone and besides im a damn slacker, i would just sit down during training and talk to my friends and when they are not around i would just feel useless and a waste of my time there. And of cause i get scolded/insulted by some people which i chose to ignore, what more is there to make me go back. But eventually i did went back to train under the chinaman, which i still had no idea until now why did i make that decision. I did talk to more people this time after being antisocial(which i so am now..just look at the 100 other contacts on my msn) last time, it was starting to get fun again, but eventually more hating occurs, even for myself made me think twice. And now after taking a break from fencing for my olevels, its time to consider about it again. The good thing about it is the workout i get from fencing, and of course getting to meet some of my friends who i hardly see. And there of cause bad points, seeing people i dun really want to see,how lousy i am even though im in there for 4years?, and the strain caused to my knee due to the training. And there is the operation on my knee which my parents and i haven decide when to do it. Not soon that i will do it though, 6weeks with a cash on my leg and no sports for 6months, have to think carefully about it. Maybe i should stop or maybe just go less often than usual. Not much of a point anymore to go. Ill probably reconsider again at the end of the year again. Enough blabbering for tonight i guess, getting sleepy already and running out of ideas. This is it then, thank you for reading if u have read the whole piece of junk i wrote.

I dun wan to live my life in denial nor do i wan to live in a world of lies, there are things which u think i duno but i just dun wan to say about it.

Somethings are easier said than done. I know.....

Note: i purposly write it without paragraphs, dun complain.

Nothing ever goes right for me, studiessportsgaminglovelifefriends.

Will you ever notice me...