im tired..i slept early, but i still woke up late. my fan has been extremely noisy. and i cant get it fixed until my father returns, which is lets see...wednesday or friday. few more days of torture under the fan..aye, just mopped the floor for the whole house. can be such a tiring job. sorry for the wordy post ahead, skip if u wan to..oh wait, is there even anyone reading it..

aye, i haven been playin soccer since god knows when. just because i have been spending time on doing something i dont like. but i guess, no more. saturday mornings most likely, will be back to soccer. no more fencing nonsense until further notice.i think the last straw came on saturday. before that since last year i haven been thinking. stop or dont stop. i guess when edward told me my blade broke, i thought, ok thats it. some guy above made the decision for me. fine, i shall follow it. no point wasting 60bux every month to train right, since i always slack. i guess some people will be happy to see me gone..probably the only reason i go there, is to see people like zihao, who i rarely see nowadays. sounds gay..nvm. i guess im just not cut out for fencing then. u never see me get bored with soccer. all i do at fencing is slack slack slack, scolding those juniors when im no better off, and then times where i stop fencing from a long time and then going back to fence like some guy who just started fencing..4years now isit, no achievement, no nothing, not even a single point in my rankings. i should have bow out so much earlier. just not my stuff. and it doesnt help that i dislocate my knee before, oh wait.. im not even suppose to do sports anymore, i just stobbornly go against the words of the doc. im feeling the ill effects of it. just nobody knows..

from there we could touch on another topic. so fencing was a failure for me. so did i tried hard but still fail or did i just gave up without trying..i have always thought, the greatest failure would always be when u did not even try and just give up. at least when u have tried ur best, u can tell urself i hav tried my best, and im gonna try harder next time. but it is always easier said than done in some cases. like for my first olevel, i tried, but not hard enough, ended up with a shitty score, i didnt blame anyone but myself. this time round, at least i could look back and say i tried harder for the 2nd time, if i still end up with shitty score, then it means, i must have didnt try hard enough. as for fencing, i guessed its the same case. i never really try hard to train without slacking. maybe at 1 point i did try, but soon after i dislocate my knee, i had to be out for months. and *poof* everything gone again. and it wasnt easy to come back, u guys can come try and dislocate ur knee and try coming back again. then people will always ask me, why give up on fencing when u are still playing soccer. number 1 reason, my knee doesnt hurt when i play soccer, it does when i fence. i just dont tell anyone. secondly, during soccer i feel pain, i rest as and when i want. fencing, no chance for that. good enough? or in simple terms, my passion lies in soccer, not fencing..enough said..and i dont understand why these people keep trying to come and stop me, if i cannot ur life, what makes u think u can change mine. i give people advice, all i get is being humilated, so why must i listen to you. in simple terms again, people who should just f off from my life.

it doesnt matter if it doesnt make sense to u, as long as i understand...

god, im getting dam heated up typing all these, better rest awhile before i lose control and start spamming vulgarities on everyone. and i mean every single one of you. i dont even have mood to go eat gelare now..fuck..told u even nice guys have limits right, noone believes. try not to irritate me today, im afraid i will explode...not literally though..